Maria Montessori’s "reminder-commandments" to parents.

"It is said that only four teachers of the twentieth century transformed the art of raising children. They are American John Dewey, the German Georg Kerschensteiner, Italian educator Maria Montessori and the then Soviet Union, Anton Makarenko.

Maria Montessori wrote short "reminder-commandments" to parents. They are simple, but if you think about it a little further, each of these few words contain great wisdom. We recommend that moms and dads read them at least once a year (and implement them). Chances are that your relationship with children will improve in quality and quantity. Their personality will develop better, and, as individuals, their life will be more harmonious.

1. Children learn from their surroundings.
2. If you criticize a child much, he will learn to judge.
3. If you praise the child regularly, he will learn to appreciate.
4. If a child is treated with hostility, he will learn to fight.
5. If a child is treated with fairness, he will learn to be fair.
6. If you frequently ridicule the child, he will be a shy person.
7. If the child grows up feeling safe, he will learn to trust others.
8. If you frequently denigrate the child, he will develop an unhealthy sense of guilt.
9. If the child's ideas are accepted regularly, he will learn to feel good about yourself.
10. If you are understanding with the child, he will learn to be patient.
11. If the child is encouraged in what he does, he will gain self-confidence.
12. If the child lives in a friendly atmosphere and he feels needed, he will learn to find love in the world.
13. Do not speak ill of your child, not when he is near, and not even when he is not.
14. Focus on the development of good things in your child, in such a way that there is simply no room for the bad.
15. Always listen to your child and answer him when he approaches you with a question or a comment.
16. Respect your child even if he made a mistake. He will correct it now, or maybe a little later.
17. Be willing to help your child look for something, but also be willing to go unnoticed if he has already found what he was looking for.
18. Helps the child assimilate what he previously had been unable to assimilate.
19. Engage with the world around you with care, discretion, appropriate silence and love.
20. When you help your child, always do it in the best way.
21. Give the best that is in you."

A little disclaimer, I take no credit for this great list, it's all Montessori's.  I translated this link from an article in Genial.Guru in Spanish. 

Nurture.  To me, this list translates to nurture, the primary role of motherhood and fatherhood.  As an educator, and even more as a mother, I have experienced the truth of this wise advise. 

My nurturing heroes, my dear mother and father. They raised me on the Montessori principles above. No negative labels, no ridicule, a challenging environment, a safe loving relationship, a disposition to talk about my interest, and help. Children, their own, and others, flock to them. Kids know they are loved, taken care of, secure, listened to in their watch. My mom introduced me to Montessori as a child. My dad was a wise man and followed her lead, departing from tradition, from society's norm, and from a couple of the less-than-ideal patterns of parenting that he was raised in.  For that I owe them everything. 


I venture to say that when we see these principles in the abstract, in theory on this list, we all nod our heads as we think "of course, yes! obviously." Our intellect accepts them.   But in practice, in the heat of the moment when we have a challenge with a kid, we have a ways to go. Even when we may know the principles, our actions, and our emotional reactions may not match our knowledge.  The way we act, the things we say to our children, our attitudes or emotions of our heart  may not quite be so safe for the child, so encouraging, supportive or nurturing. 

Today though, I challenge you to do what I will do: when we interact with children today lets observe ourselves and see if we have set up good surroundings for them, a nice, safe, challenging, loving emotional, intellectual, and physical environment.

 Do we label them as "grumpy, shy, obnoxious?" If they spill something do we say, even if with a good tone "clumsy" or "messy" or "problem". Do we stay stuck on the problem, or support them to master themselves and find a solution? Are we criticizing too much?  Do we grumble, raise our voice in a hostile manner? When we talk to our spouse or to friends, do we retell embarrassing moments as "jokes" that 
ridicule them?  Do we use negative labels for them? (lazy, clumsy, slow, distracted, hyper, shy). When they are trying to do something, are we helpful or judgmental? and so on. 

 This wise and simple reminder of Montessori can help us focus on nurturing our children (and not just feeding and clothing them, not just raising them).  

If you want to read or watch a video on the importance of our language and interactions, from a faith-based perspective,I love this one!

For a modern take, Dr. Epstein from BuildingCompetenciesWorldwide.com gives you this one. It is amazing how this 2015 list from an expert resembles so well the Montessori principles above.  Parenting skills: The top 10 suggestions for raising happy children.  

I suggest you pick one today to work on. This list might look overwhelming and simplistic, but focus on approximations! Just pick one, the most critical one, and focus just on that one. Suddenly you will see that by working on that one, the others will improve too!